I used to think that once I found myself, life would finally settle. That purpose would become the finish line, and everything after that would simply be maintenance. I was wrong.
The most unexpected chapter of my life didn’t begin while I was searching for who I was. It began after I had already found her. Because it turns out the real challenge isn’t discovering yourself.
It’s staying interested in yourself long after the search is over.
It’s day 2 of a series to get myself interested in life over and over again. This time, though, it took a real dedication-type of self-love to take my ass off first thing in the morning on 8 degrees. I told myself I found my purpose already by now and have something to be entertained on; however, the other part of me said that doesn’t mean you should abandon the other part of yourselves who still want to experience more life.
Well, it almost took me 2 years to really find who I am and what I actually want to experience that can keep me continuously moving forward in the next direction of what life can offer me. And to get there, I’ve been in the season of starting to withdraw myself from social events, people, and what I used to call my go-routine for the sake of what I was looking for in life.
I’ve experienced the “luxury” of what this world could offer: constant validation from others, attention that I can get from everywhere, but during those times of my life, I found myself not enjoying all those things; it all became so meaningless that I no longer knew what life was supposed to mean.
Well, it wasn't recently that I’ve realised: those versions of me that put me into who I am today, thank her enough that it came to my observation that what I needed was something that my own mind and strength could create on my own. That mental challenge that I turned out to be addicted to when I can do something from a place of creation. To be able to see myself create new ideas on my own that are aligned with my future and bring value into my life that came from my own perspective, speaking about life that came from my experience. That fueled me up… The expansion that is no longer a threat but normal and obvious for me to do is coming from that embodied inner character that I’ve courageously put myself inside.
The type of discomfort that I put myself into is unfamiliar, but it can be exciting internally that I’ve channelled all of this through building over consumption, which puts me into a bubble of satisfaction that nothing in this world can offer. The type of powerful sensation that I’ve experienced because of how much my brain has proven to me that it can do that helps me to achieve what I want to pursue in my life.
And today, after all these chapters that I’ve been putting myself through and getting what I wanted, it taught me one important lesson that my mind has recently learned:
“Life is just coming from that inner capacity of what my system can hold.” Holding means my mind no longer comes from a place of constant reaction or going to an immediate meaning of what just happened through me that immediately affects my performance, rather than fully having the capacity to stay inside my body until the experience finishes without needing to recap what just happened, rather than to simply metabolize it for the way it was.
For example, I had a date last weekend, and it didn’t align with what I want, and I simply told him this is not what I want and I’m just moving forward. Or this morning, when I took myself for a walk, it started really well at the start, but towards the end, I caught myself thinking somewhere that puts my body into this “I needed to be hurried or…” whereas in reality I was still just walking… It was like what Werner Heisenberg said: “All observation is coloured by the relationship between the observer and the observed.” Which means the more repetition you create that comes from your own beliefs that are fuelled by your thoughts and emotions, the more it will become who you really are. The body is really the most loyal machine that we have for ourselves, so when you’ve consistently fuelled yourself with the belief that is no longer coming from a present moment right now, it will still act as if you were still living 5 years ago.
Being a human means we have this man’s mind, spirit, and body that all come in one. And when we start to grow, the growing part of who we are becoming is from the repetition of how we put our body into that repetition, until the spirit (inner character) becomes itself. There is this term of returning to yourself, simply to remember who you really are before this world does something to your mind. To make yourself remember is to create a new repetition of who you are becoming. And becoming starts from an imagination of a different state that your body hasn’t learned for most of your entire life, because it has been stuck in the same motions for years. What helped me the most was through that mental diet of what Neville Goddard taught, to simply contemplate with one belief about who we are, until it starts to become you. To start putting joy and creativity into every movement that you choose until it becomes normal. It is not about becoming someone new, but rather letting your body remember who you are. And if you are currently in the season of wanting to find your inner voice self back, I’ve created this small, soft 1:1 space so that I can be your little companion human in this season of your life:
The thoughts and emotions determine how you want to internally experience; however, the tool to keep that belief of what you’ve been planted is the courageous act of yours that came from the new role that you’ve tried to release to stay inside your body permanently. And the more you do life that comes from a courageous action, the more your emotions will no longer determine who you are, but the inner character that you’ve been continuously living inside your body is the one who can choose to respond to what you specifically want to experience. To know what you truly want is to look within yourself; hence, I created this article about how I found myself in this world's expectations towards us:
You Were Never Meant to Chase It: Reclaiming Identity, Letting Go of Approval, and Living Your Manifestation
First and foremost, I want to thank one of you who's been supporting my articles since day 1; I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. ❤︎
It came to my observation that my body sometimes still learned the old way of living. Through the constant lenses of achievement that put my worth inside my life existence, or when the new shiny things have just arrived and the feelings were still high on top of the notch that might put me into this exciting enthusiasm doing type of things, whereas the truth is to embodied the life that I want comes from a normal repetition of the practice that I put attention on.
It was like this: at first, my motivation that came from when I started this writing journey was to become a famous author. Over time, that goal started to become so fricking normal that what I did was just to put myself into some specific times of the day and write. The more time I invested in this specific role, the more it was integrated into another direction of what I can inevitably improve myself with. The new ideas that automatically came up that I can pour into this writing, the obvious action that puts me into some specific task. But it was all coming from one intention at the start that I’ve continuously put myself into in a way of putting my future role inside my life right now through the action itself. It was like the stubborn part of me that I took as an advantage to put myself inside this unfamiliar role through a new repetition daily that was scary at the start until it became inevitably normal, that I no longer think but simply exist and respond naturally. And, if you are currently in the chapter of between space and needing guidance that you can do on your own rhythm, I created a digital download that I put my time and attention into when I was in that void season of my life:
Over time, the universe will just give me who I am and what the most repeated role that I’ve played for myself is. It is truly about the universal law that says the universe is just a simple machine of facilitation of who we play ourselves inside our own lives. It is truly just a law of life. And the good thing about our body was it only understands the repetition of what we cast ourselves with. Therefore, this is the podcast that I’ve created about how my morning walk slowly changed my life:
The next layer that I want to introduce is to keep your nervous system regulated. When emotions no longer determine you, except for low and high energy, what the body can feel is through sensation. Hence why there is this term of ‘fight or flight mode vs. rest and digest’ – it is when your inner character can move through states precisely and move forward. It’s the contrast between cold plunges and sauna that can make me act and feel differently. It’s when I am going to be immediately ready to start my day after doing that cold shower, and ending my day with a hot shower to tell my body that the day has been over and we can be beautifully rested. It’s where you remember who you are through that repetition of environment and sensation that you’ve put your body into. And that’s where your system is no longer living through the fuel of highs and lows but stable and calm.
To stay aligned is simply to always remember you are a wholeness who is just playing a role that came from the purpose of what you choose to experience right now. It’s through a mental consistency clean through beliefs that you’ve had on yourselves and repetition and movement that your body can recognize “home” was.
Home is when life starts to give you more, and you can stay true to your truest self and naturally evolve into a new chapter without losing yourself. Which means to always have that specific ritual and motion of what you do with yourself before you enter the world. Like I said, for me it will be a morning walk, or maybe going to nature once a week, or the mattress for this grounded part for yourself. That space that only exists for you that you always put the time into. Just you and yourself.
The moment you realise that finding yourself doesn't mean you've finished living.
It means you always want to have in mind to keep your spark between yourself to stay alive. Aliveness that came from an alignment between what you want and how you choose to show up for yourself. And that’s when the word of purpose will come to your life. Maybe to start pursuing new hobbies, careers, travel, relationships, and moving to a new country. To always have this level of curiosity that life can always put you into so many different ways of living. That creativity is an act of life that came from within yourselves that came from who you are.
Although each intention that you want to pursue will always put you into a between space of void that you will let yourself embrace, that without self-sabotage, you will reach towards the other things. It’s the embodiment of loyalty from yourself to what you want to achieve in life that came from a repetition of letting the stillness and uncertainty became a holding capacity that your system tried to hold.
Therefore, life will become something that you’ve consciously built for yourselves. The most beautiful part about it is that you love and continuously feel interested in each chapter and season that you’ve experienced to get where you want to be. It's because you know the final destination will be, and the in-between space becomes a simple mental resilience playground for you to stay aligned with who you are becoming.
Your Subconscious Besties,
Liona
