New day, new opportunity, new unexpected direction means there will be no such thing as impossible when the table has been turned upside down; it means a bigger space has been created within us.
It’s when the inner world within me completely shifts, like a new gravity that just landed. Moving... Evolving... Through how I simply placed myself within. Nonetheless, each part of who I am within simply came from the images of God.
It means there is no point in overthinking your way out of the expectation of what you think is the “best” or thinking you are going to be in control of your “life.” Let alone having the ability to shift your reality based on your reflection.
“Reality is the mirror of who you are internally.”
“You are who you think you are.”
“Everything is within you.’
All of these things put your mind in a state of always thinking that we can truly change the reality we have. Well, until you got surprises that knocked you off guard, placed you in grief, lost someone you loved, or had a dream that shifted in a split second.
Until what once kept you alive no longer felt the same as it used to, that’s when the mind starts to become the CEO of your life. It started to crop up as constant worry, fear, self-criticism, and vigilance.
If you see my previous chapter that I’ve mostly written about, it started like a joyful, fun, flirting way of how I expressed myself until it started to lose its way, replaced with this character who no longer enjoys her own life. Arch, saying this truly hurt my ego and pride. To reveal this part of me. This part that I’ve been hiding because the previous chapter itself feels like when she tried to “fit in” with the world’s expectations through her embodiment way of living.
It worked. To be honest and fair, it worked and made me feel good for a second. Just to prove this part of who I am: that I can change the way I was through shifting my attention, yada-yada, and the reality will immediately change.
It does. By using this breathwork, visualization, and focusing on my breath, inward vs. outward. All those things.
Although it’s temporary. Because it becomes a repetitive way of living through what the feeling is like, it is the right thing to do.
And feelings come and go. Like a season that always has that specific expiry date, or the shifting that gives you this sense of unpredictability.
But...
If there is one thing that I’ve stated from now to this article over and over again, it will be how I am currently in this season of creating a new space. From who I am, each part that I’ve also hated, hiding under the cage, and closing myself, has been placing this mask as a “protection” by letting God reveal that through me.
Welcome back to Your Subconscious Besties’ letter.
From this part of me.
Through how I’ve grown up, this vulnerable and authentic version of me that
I have finally accepted.
Today’s episode that touched my heart recently is about how God has been nothing but amazingly loyal, present, kind, and true to me.
He’s there no matter what I’ve been thinking, dwelling on, and contemplating. In fact, in all these circumstances, yet again he sent people unexpectedly, which made me feel like, “This is what I need right now.” “Damn, I’ve been living inside of my head for a while.” “I guess nothing has been permanent, but the architectural foundation inside of us will forever stain wherever I go.”
It means how my family behaved, the way they talked to each other, how they made jokes, the pattern of how they thought, and how they lived.
If you’ve been here for a while, you must know that I’ve been writing articles about self-discovery, about “who I am,” and about the purpose that I've created on my own.
Here’s what I think I’ve just discovered: I've been seeing materials as evil is the biggest conclusion that I’ve ever made on my own. What I thought was that all of these would affect the way I think about life.
Me, living happily ever after, and my mind has manipulated me to think that maybe this is not the type of life that you want. Maybe there is more life that you can discover.
I had a whole lot of shenanigans where I was in this phase of isolation, focusing on myself and spirituality, and most of my day I spent at home writing and just consistently creating.
The good news was I’ve officially learned how to write and create something by speaking on my social media.
Until I slowly felt disconnected from myself, perhaps what this world calls a life transition of “new beginning.”
And instead of me feeling excited, I’ve got severe anxiety every night and fear of the future, and I feel like something has changed.
Well, until God sent me to spend time with my family. The familiarity started to appear; I opened my heart more than I used to by giving my authentic version of who I am, which I’ve tried to hide for so long, and living is one of the best decisions that I made.
The joy, aliveness, and bubbly version of who I am started to come back slowly, precisely, and somehow appeared at the perfect time on its own. It’s been there the whole time, with how I’ve been raised in Christianity and how I’ve grown up, as the roots within me that have become how I can no longer need to think but exist.
That’s when my mind started to come like a rebellion, animals who tried to find a leak as a source of how the mind gives a whisper of:
“You are not doing enough.”
“There is more life than you can ever think of.”
“You should always prove yourself to your future self.”
Whereas the truth is, you will evolve no matter what the journey is; it’s when the attention starts to shift from relationship to career, career to family, and family to kids. It’s like a cyclical motion of how humans grow up.
Everything will have a different inner universe within, but one thing that I’ve recalled each of us has is the soul, spirit, or character that lives inside of your body.
It means it doesn’t matter who raised you, your environment, or the life that you have; as long as you have this loyal anchor of who you are inside, everything in this world no longer becomes something that places your worth on what the mind’s will asks you for.
For me, it’s when I am back to the essence of how I grew up, while removing the meaning of family, roles, and doing, but through the inner journey that I can recognize is truly when there is no longer such a definition as self, relationship, or attention that determines my action, but a purpose without placing meaning itself.
This made it become a specific intention without attachment, in the sense of making it like the whole content of what you are currently doing to your life.
It becomes you just doing it from a place of having embodied what you feel that you choose to express to a specific platform, and that is it.
For me, it started with the motivation that I remembered in my head: I perceived someone who went viral for only 3 months lengths of time; she got that 100K, and curiosity in my mind started to wander around and placed me into who I am today.
To be honest, I’ve forgotten most of it; however, what sticks with me is the initiation of the intention that started to shift on its own.
When it shifted, what’s left is the faith that I have in myself. And that journey changed me from what I thought faith meant to myself at the start—my ‘human ’ ability—whereas, once again, I will tell you, faith in God within you is the only way to exit your own suffering and pain.
The favorite human’s food for thought is when reality started to shift; it’s when you have nothing to worry about or fear, and it’s when the mind might’ve started to touch your skin like “We are going to be famous“ or “We are living inside our dream now.” That places the self back in the human, and when the self-control within is no longer there, it’s when the power will immediately shift back to the flesh of this human body.
It’s a continuous moving-forward chapter, whether you like it or not, knowing that you will phase with that specific category that sparks your mind like a nudge in the direction of what you need to do.
It’s never coming like a frantic effort or rush; it always lands like an obvious, specific experience that you couldn’t explain but smile within.
Frantic effort feels like forcing, but alignment feels peaceful and direct, like a map that’s been laid out in front of your eyes to follow.
It’s when you no longer react to your circumstances but are content with the vision that you once imagined, by starting to live it without letting the self worship the passing by of 20 minutes of your time to dictate your entire world.
It’s by letting the feeling of fullness within be your personal relationship with God, or the universe, rather than the calculation of your “effort” that becomes a determination of “This is me.” “I’ve done enough.”
A continuous journey of not letting the self, effort, or proving become your source of living, but ease. I’ve asked myself before, “What do you mean by ease?” I thought I’d been living inside that for quite sometimes…
It meant letting go of all the mind’s scripts in your life. The mind will only repeat forever through the lens of memories and familiarity.
But, through God’s presence within you, you meant you had nothing but your trust in him to navigate your life in every aspect of your life.
The anxiety crawled while I thought I was living in alignment, as all my attention had been shifting through my career and business while neglecting a soul inside of me who's been waiting to be recognized, allowing God’s presence to be alive in me.
Let this become a new beginning of hope that you can place inside your heart. Not just a theory that your eyes feel satisfied with, but the way you start to meditate through your way of living in your life.
Your Subconscious Besties,
Liona
