This morning, around 10 AM in Singapore, I took myself to sit next to my dad and blasted some healing frequency HZ next to him, and today, we all decided to fly back to Indonesia and decided to take care of him there instead. In the midst of the situation that I had, I found myself staring at him in the hope that he would get better, no matter when the right time was. Also, on the other hand, I have this belief in me that everything that is happening right now will lead to the type of new beginning of a chapter that either this human part of me will like or not. Another thing that’s been happening to me is the huge amount of anticipation that my nervous system has been experiencing, so the mind has become so scattered through so many different roles that are happening at the same time right now.
The accumulation of responding to what my mom said that came from a full package of survival mode lenses, every motion of what she put into this existence, the strength that I need to be able to hold without getting in the mind, my career that I currently built for myself, and missing my routine and life back at home. The horrendous tornado that tore through my mind wasn't random. It was an old operating system that had been silently running in the background for years, translating every unfamiliar moment into something my nervous system already knew how to survive.
It’s the inner capacity that this character has been holding for a while that perhaps I’ll call a real-world life movie that I currently play for myself; it’s no longer a philosophical theory that I’ve been applying so well to my life, but it’s also subconsciously embodied through the way I exist right now in this unexpected chapter that is happening through me right now. At the beginning, I was thinking, “Is this how real adulthood should be? The full, long episodes of “serious,” “fear,” and “doubt,” but then when I flipped back to my sense of present self of who I am, those are simply just that old wiring that the old character inside of me used to learn through repetition that she faced for most of her entire life that now she somehow is testing all over again in this familiar shell, but the difference is the inside character that stayed inside my body is no longer wired through these specific scripts that make me see the invisible string beneath every decision and action.
One thing I want to state today is EVERY REPETITION MATTERS, mattering in a way that teaches the new muscle memory inside your mind through how you choose to live intentionally inside your own life. By putting those thoughts and emotions consistently through the way you choose to exist inside your own motion. The motion of consistently using those intentions and emotions until they stay permanently. Let me give you one example. This specific song, written with the morning sun that my nervous system has been absorbed by for a while, has become one of the identities that stay inside of me right now. Me sitting in the hospital right now, opening my laptop, specifically putting this music on, and somehow the sun is shining into the room; that immediately puts that specific character through a sensation inside my body
These two combinations that made my system can recognize the state that I’ve been continuously inhabit through me… It become something that my body could recognize: the way home was… Despite of what is happening to me right now, this body that’s been remembered who she truly is based on the future-casting repetition that I’ve put myself into, which my dad’s situation made me not putting myself through one state of life conclusion alone but a simply new category internally inside my system that I’ve currently wrote through the present of the role that I’ve infused myself inside… For example, the role that I choose to simply hold his hand and sit with him, yapping, dancing in front of him, pray, put him of a nice HZ music and whenever I am presently there, my mind only put me through a good progression that my character inside can recognize… Despite of what the doctor and medical report said, the truth itself from the role that I put into this life existence about this unexpected chapter that currently happening through me… Despite of what my mom and brother think about what they choose to believe, the environment they were in that life put me to be able to mingling and socialize… The capacity that life been testing me with through choosing present and respond in a way of how I choose to believe until it becomes something that reality reflecting that back to my external eyes…
Another intriguing story that I want to share is that yesterday morning, my character was phased into the situation where my mom and brother put that emotional belief through what they think about me. In a way, what they absorbed was coming as Dad’s life is no longer; therefore, from the doctor’s perspective, we shall just fly back to Indonesia so his friends and siblings can have time to say goodbye to him. Well, that does something in me; I immediately put myself as a daughter who scared to lose his dad, without thinking about what is happening right now… The character’s sense of self in the present disappeared. I knew that, and I let my human’s mind take some part of it. Anyway, I chose to continue writing the book that I created with the intention to distract myself. Well, all of a sudden a group came to me and asked about my dad, and somehow they were a group of people who love to pray. What surprised me the most is one of the people there specifically said something about even the doctor saying I was a dead man, but the only hope and trust I have are only in God; that’s right, He’s able to share this life testimony story with someone else. Immediately my character got slapped, like, “Have you forgotten who has been writing this story all along?” It was as though Heaven interrupted the sentence my subconscious was about to finish. Also, if you want to know what unexpected chapter that I’ve been talking about here for a while...
When Life Tests the Character You've Been Building
This chapter of life that I currently experience puts me through the meaning of family, presence, sickness, and hope and the role that I choose to give pulse to in this moment of how I choose to exist through the way I am aligning my thoughts and emotions that my mind has developed through a next level of new beginnings…. Well, perhaps the delusional ve…
One thing and only one thing I will always put this article specifically about is the following: Life is only a simple agreement between you and yourself. The version of yourself who will either repeat or evolve… Evolving means going through the new repetition of uncomfortable growth that you intentionally put yourself through because of how much certain you are of yourself. The alignment that you choose comes from the real intention of what you want to have for yourselves until your body can start remembering. The way to make yourself remember not through some woo-woo or loud fireworks that your mind might put you through; it always arrive like a quiet, eerie wave that came like someone internally that you can recognized all along… It is never about place, outcome, achievement, or people; it simply comes from how your body can recognize what normal is through the capacity for life that you can hold without letting your mind second-guess yourself.
The more you act from the present self of who you are by taking those new shiny things that your system hasn’t felt familiar with yet through repetition, the more you will become who you are. I still remembered when I moved to Melbourne as a gesture of a new beginning for the life that I built for myself, and what I observed was the way I chose to walk for a long time every morning so much that my body recognized it as conquering the city by getting to know the city so much with the movement I chose until it became the only home that I love. I falling in love with the city and life that I have now… It is never about the things that I used to have inside of mind, but through the repetition of familiarity of itself… It’s by putting new lenses of what I once want to experience that I no longer perceive it as a wow thing but a normal situation that I no longer react to… With the fact that life put me into something that I currently built for myself that I never knew I had it in me but here I am right now, I can create something that my 2-years-ago version of me imagined as something as impossible for me to have… Have the capacity to build my own business that comes from what I love to do, create books, and have more strength for my dad. Writing became one of my strongest cups of tea; it was like everything was starting to align in a way my mind no longer taught me; it was simply allowing me to move through it.
Everything I've learned through these chapters eventually became the Restoration Library. A collection of practices, reflections, and experiences for the person learning that transformation isn't created by knowing more but by repeatedly experiencing a different way of being.
And if you've reached the chapter where you no longer want to navigate that experience alone, the 1:1 Restoration Space exists for exactly that. Some chapters can be explored through quiet repetition. Others ask to be held in conversation. A place where your body doesn't have to perform, explain itself perfectly, or arrive with all the answers. We simply meet what's already there and gently create a different experience together.
When it comes to life, one thing that I will forever remember is that there is never such a thing as right or wrong, but rather it is from your own perspective throughout your journey alone. Through the level of awareness in a way, how you perceive the world and life that you currently experience right now. To make it expand more means to not let your old script teach you through some meaning, but by allowing yourself to exist no matter what is in front of you right now. The more you let that happen without reacting every second of your day, the bigger capacity internally will eventually be integrated into the next chapter that you will call your dream life.
Your Subconscious Besties,
Liona
