To be able to recognize each chapter that you choose to rewrite yourselves, which is aligned with who you are, is through that inner alignment repetition that you put your attention into until it becomes your default system.
It’s 7:56 pm here at Bandara Soekarno-Hatta, waiting for my boarding back to my home. Before I took myself to write something, I had this meaningful conversation with my mom and sister that I’d been hoping to have for a while. The type of conversation that included each of us who navigate this new unfamiliar chapter that puts us into this new bubble of longing for that sense of being used to having Dad around, and it immediate gone to thin air like the planet that we used to live on completely vanished and was replaced by this new unknown state.
To be continued…
It’s 8.46 AM at Sydney Airport, in transit to Melbourne, the place where my nervous system recognizes it as home. I am sitting and trying to make sense of everything that’s been happening to me that just flew by so quickly, like it never existed. The past 1 month that I’ve spent at the hospital and at the funeral has been a tremendous mix of grief, fear, and overwhelm. I dreamt about Dad twice in a row, which made me feel more assured that he will stay inside of my heart forever and can always communicate to me through my dreams, and here I am right now, sitting inside the airport as if all those situations didn't exist before; it felt like a dream that I barely remembered. Well, the minute I left the arena, the immediate motion itself stopped in my body. It was like the universe taught me this chapter has been over and you are good to go. It’s your time to start the new beginning that you’ve once imagined, pack yourself up, and go back home.
Took myself a nice morning coffee just before writing, and somehow something shifted within me. It was like the present-self version of me immediately took every part of my body in a way that the consciousness immediately shifted as someone that I’ve consistently inhabited. It only took 2 actions of gesture as to who I truly am to instantly recognize that character inside my body. One was having that morning coffee and immediately opening my laptop and writing something. Which I think was the part that I’ve never realized once I imagined being in this exact position. In this situation, I didn’t need to do some “motivation” or find an excuse to get inspiration first to write; rather, it became who I truly am. It becomes everywhere I go; what I do is simply create something that can help other people through how I can articulate life based on what I’ve been experiencing for most of my life. My life itself has become the real-world testimony that reality has simply become the constant feedback itself through me.
Create something through writing alone; it becomes something that stays permanently inside my body; it becomes normal. Obvious, yet inevitable. The internal motivation is no longer a motivation but rather a role itself that stays inside my body as a fuel for channeling who I am through this movement itself. And sooner or later, reality will keep reflecting that to my eyes with the receipt of the consistent thoughts and emotions of how much I paid attention to. Therefore, the attention itself was the secret sauce to crystallize what you imagined through your own existence. Here’s the article to simply train your attention to be aligned with who you really are.
The Life Your Attention Is Building
When I said every day is a new beginning, the only thing we can do is start recognizing that in the way you choose to show up in our lives.
Here’s what I found to be the most important knowledge you might want to learn.
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Firstly, it was how intentionally you put something inside of your brain. A while ago, my nervous system and mind were consistently put inside that unexpected chapter of grieving, losing someone that I loved, and constantly anticipating and socializing presently there, while my body felt unfamiliar and so uncomfortable to be around; that alone put the mind to somehow create these pieces about what I’ve been putting naturally through the back of my mind. It became something that I wrote specifically about neuroplasticity, Dad, mixed emotions, identity, and embodiment.
Whereas the truth of who I truly am is through someone whose expertise is in that specific topic, such as all those self-growth areas and human nature. And did I ever plan to create those unexpected topics that I normally never even touched on? Absolutely not, but here she was, because of how much it was through that specific environment, movement, and motion; the nervous system has somehow consumed those specific things until I became the only thing that my mind can express through my writing. Consequently, not only could I feel the present self of who I am was slightly disappeared into some unfamiliar noise, but the mind had become something that was working against me.
And that was simply because the attention that I put into it had become an unconscious reflex, and I let those old scripts take charge of my body in a way that I no longer needed to think and be conscious but moved as if I already knew it would end precisely that way. The mind became so narrow that it was looking at the world through a keyhole, forgetting there was an entire landscape beyond the door.
For example, it only took 1 month for me, but the nervous system immediately shifted through the way I’d been doing things during those times right up until when I waited for my luggage, and the immediate thought was, “OMG, I forgot which luggage I had.” And the next thing, instead of deciding to figure it out myself because that’s what I always did, I decided to text my sister and mom to ask which one was my luggage rather than just wait and see how it would go. It was the mind that went immediately to “danger and worst possibilities,” whereas the truth was I was just still waiting for my bag, and perhaps my mind hadn’t woken up completely from the old motion of what I’ve been doing…
You see, the conscious mind and body only understand the repetition of what I’ve been consistently doing. It never understands what was beneath the exact situation that I thought was happening through me. In my head, I’ve been dealing with grief and all that, which led me to consistently just be there for my dad, his funerals, farewells, and my family through the role that I mostly did, which was constant socializing, asking for help, zero thinking, just exist, and just basically did what my mom taught me to do…
Therefore, the mind only captured what I was doing through that specific motion in 1 month; it doesn’t understand the whole picture, like the attentive self whose choice of that specific role was based on what was happening there; it only understands what I am continuously doing for myself. And that’s what shapes who you really are.
Through that attention, laser focus is the consistent role that you choose for yourselves based on the intention that you put inside of your minds. As a result, each thought and emotion that you consistently act on is coming from who you really are. The more you breathe inside that specific character, the more your mind takes that as evidence of what you choose for yourselves as a gesture of This is who I am.
One conversation won't change your life. But it can change what you choose to rehearse every day.
Together, we'll identify the patterns your nervous system has been practicing, release what no longer serves you, and build a new internal direction your body can continue returning to long after our session ends.
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Secondly, the life that sounds like your dream life just requires this one thing. It simply needs the version of you who loves yourself so much that anything else becomes something that you can overcome through that internal belief itself that you choose through embodying that specific belief.
For example, you want to get that specific relationship that you never get the chance to. So, instead of you keep looking, you go immediately inward, which means you focus internally in a way of putting the attention on what you believe about yourself through repetition. Remember that the body and mind only understand the repetition of what you choose to live through with that belief, not through the whole picture of the entire life but through those specific lenses of attention of what you want to create as the new version of the timeline that you choose to live until it becomes normal that you no longer need to be fully conscious but it becomes the way you naturally choose for yourself.
Now, this is the more challenging part, yet satisfying when you can start to recognize it. The challenging part is where your old role will get so frustrated because you no longer feed it with the unconscious reflex of what you used to do through that constant motion, but you stay in that new repetition of the unfamiliar role that you choose to internally act out until the old one disappears and is replaced with the new one.
Which means, for anything else that requires your energy, you choose to stay in that new role of who you truly are that puts you in constant control of being fully embodied in that main role of what you’ve currently told your body through the acting itself. Perhaps through how you choose to take that risk, ignoring something that is not aligned with what you currently build for yourselves; leaving those specific environments that do not nourish this character; and socializing in those new places that your character can identify with. It’s a constant new piece of evidence of the role that you currently have built for yourself.
Until the nervous system starts to recognize the new home that sounds like your future, this time the mind is no longer telling different things but is constantly working in alignment with what you want to continuously build for yourself.
And the place where new patterns become familiar.
The Restoration Library is a collection of writings, practices, and guided resources designed to help your nervous system rehearse safety, clarity, and alignment until they become your new normal.
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Lastly, it will always be through repetition over intensity. Repetition through the specific role that you choose for yourself. Intensity is when you choose to experience something extremely different than what you’ve been consistently experiencing inside of your life. For example, when you’ve been under that constant survival mode, a.k.a. through the lenses of fear and doubt for most of your entire life, to have one day of safety will be captured as a quick dream that your consciousness couldn’t perceive as something as normal for you to experience, or when you’ve been living through persistent motion of pain, heartbreak, loss, and disappointment. To simply experience good services or amazing things will be captured as a lifetime type of situation inside your life. It happens because your brain will always trust more of the repetition of what you rehearse as what your “normal” baseline was, rather than what you experience once. It doesn’t matter if it is good or bad; it only remembers repetition.
Because your brain trusts what you repeatedly practice.
Every resource inside the Restoration Library is designed to give your mind and body something new to rehearse, until the life you’re creating begins to feel familiar.
Intensity will always speak about how high you can feel to make your body move forward; repetition taught you how to practice the identity of your own existence now. You can always consume words of affirmation 100 times and watch that self-growth motivation every day to feel something, but every time you finish doing it, you immediately go back to your old state. That's simply because your system is only craving that “high” feeling, but when it comes with fully breathing inside that specific role, it means you start practicing that role that requires a new space internally that you’ve consistently built until it integrates by itself.
Intensity is when you stop in the middle of the competition because the intention beneath the experience is to chase that external feeling, but when it comes from a full main character role that you fully inhabit, it comes from you deeply knowing yourself so much that you start to continuously breathe inside that specific role until your body can start remembering who you are. You no longer put yourself on the line through time, effort, and achievement, but rather just continuously move on from it. That's simply because you know who you are so much that you stop negotiating with this world, and eventually your nervous system starts to believe; therefore, reality will start to reveal that back to your own world.
It’s like a professional athlete or actor who always stays in that specific lane forever without stopping because of how much repetition they choose for themselves, no matter what the external world does to them. They no longer outsource the meaning of the world; rather, the world is the one who puts that label back as the constant feedback that their system already recognized as normal and obvious.
To get there is never about how much time you’ve invested and when it became so boring that you immediately departed, but through that internal certainty that you knew within that eventually this expansion and purpose that you want will become yours permanently. It’s through consistent practice with a fully settled role that you act inside with the new state of lenses that you dwell in inwardly. It’s through persistently blocking the old script from existing by rehearsing the unfamiliar ones to create a new space internally for your new life itself.
Therefore, this space I intentionally create helps you interrupt the old rehearsal and helps you recognize the unconscious patterns you've been rehearsing and replace them with ones that align with the life you're intentionally creating.
Nonetheless, each decision that you choose will lead you to another next thing that you are either aware of or not. And if you feel a resonance with what I’ve created and feel internally leaning forward, the only thing you can do is that one action that you currently do for yourself now.
Keep showing up as the best version of yourself so that everything else becomes something that works in your favor.
Your Subconscious Besties,
Liona
