There is this moment where I completely stopped choosing to do that gesture of non-stop doing by just sitting with that stillness for just a second… And somehow, all of a sudden, the burst of old memories or the role that I’ve been playing came as quick glimpses of moments. Thankfully, it was no longer charged with emotion beneath. It was just a simply flat moment when I realized I’ve been living inside a high-intensity bubble of the nervous system without realizing it… Well, the good thing is I am aware; therefore, I simply know what I need to do when this situation happens. It was as if nothingness became something that I tried to avoid as much as possible because the minute my system immediately went for that high energy unconsciously, the rhythm of how my mind worked would ask for a bigger piece of my energy inside. By all means, the more I want to do more things without any specific intention inside. Is it like you basically do something for the sake of a quick 5 seconds of dopamine hit? Like that hit for the sake of making my conscious mind feel satisfied in that second and then keep wanting more, and the dangerous part about it is when you don’t have that sense of self-control. You might end up becoming so addicted to that specific area of your life…
Well, that’s where the sensation of boredom or flatness needs to become part of your daily life; it’s the part where you get to detox those old roles that no longer served you by removing what is not for you anymore. Which means it’s through that sitting and observing your own mind, the way it asks you to do those specific things, that you can consciously stop yourself from doing them. And from that moment, that’s where the rewiring of your mind to a new aligned capacity will start to happen. That’s what I will call nervous system integration. It’s where your holding-level capacity gets increased by putting the mind more in alignment with what you want to experience as a whole in this world. Wholeness means you know who you really are, and your mind, most of the time, will always be working in your favor so that you can exactly experience everything the way you want by that repetition of evidence that you put for your mind through that consistent role that you intentionally play for yourselves.
For example, I am going to exercise daily to keep giving my mind evidence that it is the way I take care of my body, or have healthy meals as a gesture that we, as humans, need to eat something to fill our bodies with better feelings and, of course, another movement of looking after myself. Those are what are so-called little things, but if you repetitively put your mind into them, they will always integrate the awareness inside your body to move to a different character that is perhaps what I call your “future self.” It’s the type of thing when you choose every action itself that came from that character without putting yourself through the lenses of “pressure” or “consistency”; it should come as “This is who I am.” Therefore, you choose to repeat it as often as it takes until your body no longer recognizes courage as a foreign language but as its native tongue. The type of language that I will call “old-ancient” will always be replaced by a new sense of evolving through the way you exist inside of your life. The type of when you no longer need to think anymore but act in a way where this is what normal feels like and should be.
The type of normal that no longer needs you to be in a state of putting yourself in danger, pain, doubt, fear, anxious rather full of opportunities, miracles, happiness, joy… And to move from the old to the new is to consistently create in the brain the pattern of that specific state so much until you no longer question yourself when those situations happen; it will, in fact, become a daily routine of how your character can experience it. Through that inner recognition, your character can start to see something. Well, this is still the part that I have learned for myself: the part where sometimes, when the mind immediately wants to react because she used to absorb that specific evidence for those specific categories, I still navigate the way I choose to be present and listen first; therefore, I respond after the moment. It came as no interruption through that immediate conclusion that perhaps the old script was still there in my subconscious mind.
I will give you this example: I used to think country, environment, family were a huge impact in shaping the way I was; that was true, but right up until you outgrow the script, you become the lighthouse who can decide whatever it is need to unfold for your own internal experiences… So, the truth is my nervous system has been living through repetition safety when I am home, whereas right now I was in the country where I grew up, where most of my life I was taught life will always require you to be always on, anticipation, think of the 10-20 possibilities, infused with constant fear, anxiety, emotional intensity that simple things no longer works because the way the mind works is when something bad happen, solving, proving or achieving—that’s how my mind used to work 24/7… And that’s where the glitch has happened these days, because of how much contrast there is between the life that I experience and what situation is happening through me right now, so I haven’t prepared myself anything other than just simply exist and act from that present situation… Although there are a couple of things I am grateful for.
The fact that I can see that contrast in life experiences—that once I had this precise dream that I currently experience now internally—and the fact that I can be there for my dad in his vulnerable experience that he has now, plus I get to spend more time with my siblings and mom. It was honestly such a beautiful thing that my mind will always cherish forever inside of my heart. Another beautiful memory we created yesterday was when my brother got to shave my dad’s beard, and my sister helped to hold my dad’s tube from his nose, and I got to see that with my own eyes, and my heart was just “This is such a great experience to have…” Another fun experience that we chose is that my brother had this idea to let us create this book full of gratitude for how amazing our dad is and the consistent notes that we will start to write daily, plus our pics together with Dad, of course, that we will put inside that book, which will be captured as unforgettable memories.
Living your own life is truly experiencing constant self-evidence, repetitively, that you put your mind into and that you consistently breathe in until it becomes so normal that you no longer see through other different lenses but the one that you consciously choose for yourself. It’s the role that you intentionally planted inside of your body until it becomes who you really are. Therefore, I wrote this article about how to choose yourself over and over.
The Person Your Repetition Has Been Creating
This morning, around 10 AM in Singapore, I sat next to my dad and blasted some healing frequency Hz next to him. Today, we all decided to fly back to Indonesia and take care of him there instead. In the midst of the situation that I had, I found myself staring at him in the hope that he would get better, no matter when the right time was. Also, I believ…
I remember a couple of days ago, I was in this state of “stagnant” because, of course, I was kind of losing the sense of familiarity of what I normally do for myself, and I found myself searching for life coach knowledge on YouTube, and this is what I found:
This video got me a precise reminder about one of my journeys when I was still in that building of a new state: that during that time I got reminded through the way I should perceive what is truly happening, in a way that losing my familiarity doesn’t mean I lose the life that I currently built, rather than always focusing on the present moment of what I currently experience that led to all those examples that I just wrote there. You guys, the interesting part is the more you live in alignment with who you really are, the more everything that is happening will just always be working in your favor. The universe or God will always have your back; it is everywhere. Therefore, you just simply need to recognize it, not through others but from the character inside your body that can receive that specific message so that you can take it as your normal type of belief. For me, with this unexpected chapter that I currently experience, I not only taught myself to have a bigger capacity to hold but also not to let my emotions become the main driver of every decision that I need to choose at this moment in time. Also, if you are curious about this unexpected chapter, I wrote it specifically here so one day I can treasure this chapter as exquisite memories:
The Chapter I Never Wanted to Write
This article I specifically created for the love of my life. My dad. My superhero. My everything. My spiritual guru. Everything in one, I will say.
Lastly, to be able to channel this capacity for something that is aligned with what you want, perhaps through writing, learning, building, or moving, is truly an essential part of being a human. It’s to let your body know that life will always be moving forward in a way of how you repeatedly choose yourself intentionally. And the moving itself that you continuously choose will not keep your body stuck but moving to another chapter that the universe will simply align you with. For me, writing has been playing such a big role in my life, where I found myself losing hopes, anger, anxiety, and fear; I immediately channeled that back to this writing as a gesture of “Oh, this is what I feel right now” or just simply ranting without getting any unexpected feedback from the world… That just truly gives me this sense of nourishment, and I know you will find the same for yourself too through how you consciously choose to breathe inside the role that sounds like your future.
Your Subconscious Besties,
Liona
